Freedom isn't Free...maybe the cost is too high

Everyone gets sick of their jobs and it is no different for a missionary. Sometimes, its nice to take a break from selling Jesus, put down the halo unfairly bestowed upon you by virtue of your title and just, you know, let loose a bit. During my first year in FOCUS I would do just that. My teammate Andrea and I did not always agree on pop culture and so I had a little spiritual exercise that I would practice when I needed to just do me for a while. When the going got tough, I would get in my car yell out loud, “For freedom Christ has set me free,” and then blare Kanye Wests album Graduation while driving just above the speed limit, just enough to feel dangerous.

R.E.B.E.L

I love this bible verse and have recently been reflecting on it due to the inspiration of my phlegmatic husband. Because I am passionate, I care about everything. I have high highs and low lows. I can switch from true excitement to severe worry in an instant and although it is fleeting, it affects my incredibly even keeled husband much more significantly than I… so I’m working on it.

As I was praying through the notion of freedom for freedoms sake, I hit another, even more event more audacious verse, 

“Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”

Freedom for freedoms sake? No anxiety at all? NONE? Umm can someone please pass me the Ten Commandments, I think I can follow those better.

A life of freedom, void of anxiety (btw I’m not talking about the medical conditions here) sounds so nice and is offered to us by our Lord so why do we live in a society ridden in bondage and more depressed than ever before? This is in part due to the fact that we are no longer a Christian nation. When we choose to live a part from God’s plan there are consequences.

But what about for the believer? Statistically we look just like the rest of the nation and we claim to worship a God that specifically demanded that we live a life of freedom, void of anxiety.

Why?

As I was praying about these verses, I was faced with the sobering fact that I do not actually desire freedom and I do not want to live without anxiety. To live a life free of these things means that I actually, in reality not simply mentally, have to place all of my trust in God. This means submission.

It means I have to live out the fact that I trust that God actually is in control of my marriage, my family, my FINANCES, my future and this is frankly too much to ask. Although living in any sort of bondage and dealing with any sort of anxiety is miserable, at least it’s my misery and I can control it.

It’s as if the Lord is offering my hearts desire, true joy, but the cost is too high. To simply submit is too provocative.

I mean seriously, about what would I complain? With what would I fill the void? Praise? Gratitude? Humility? No thanks.

It is true that in the end, humanity does not change. We are so similar to the Israelites who longed for their slavery upon their freedom because at least it was familiar. But could it be different? What if we actually did submit ourselves to God and gave him control of the life that He created in the first place. In reality, we choose our own misery for the sake of a control that we do not have.

Full trust in the Lord is simply acceptance of the reality that all is His and that I am His. It is the acceptance of this reality that leads to a life of freedom. Our failure to submit, our thinking that we can control anything, our rejection of freedom and our grasping onto anxiety is a lie and we are fools to buy into it.